I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
