i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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