I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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