haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
