dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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