dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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