A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
