I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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