I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bring me that man meat
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
