do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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