There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
