I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
