I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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