At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
