Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
