i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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