VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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