things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
