If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's paper in my vomit.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
