Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
