Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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