I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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