That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
