Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
