is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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