You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
