I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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