Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
