theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
