The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
