She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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