She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
