Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
