"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
