Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
