When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
