Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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