Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize