hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
