my mouth tastes like poor choices
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
