i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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