is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
