you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
