the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
