All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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