history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
