If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
