He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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