You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
