I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
