so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
