It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i think i just lost a toe
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
