his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
