They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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