Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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