I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize