I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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