he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
