Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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