I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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