The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
