So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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